Written by Barb Spies, OFS, Director of Mission Services and Pastoral Care

In the story of Mary and Martha, we find a dedicated listener. Martha has many tasks to complete, while Mary chooses to sit at the feet of Jesus, listening to his words. We might feel Martha’s frustration at Mary accomplishing what seems to be nothing. But if we take a moment to examine best practices in communication, we realize that the work that Mary does in listening is significant. She is attentive to the content that Jesus offers. This listening feeds Mary’s soul. How do we listen to others?

Good listening requires more than just hearing that a person is speaking, waiting for the appropriate moment to nod and make noises of agreement. It is not waiting impatiently for the moment to offer our own ideas in response. It focuses entirely on what the person is saying. Resisting the urge to jump in and offer thoughts, advice, and arguments is important to listening well. Empathic listening encourages people to open up. It allows for silence before responding. Others don’t always want an answer or a suggestion. They often want someone to simply be comforting. Rather than working to solve their problems, we can focus on their feelings. It’s important to realize that we don’t generally know how someone feels, even when we’ve had similar experiences. But we can try to imagine their feelings and ask them questions to help them express what they are experiencing.

Those who are able to write and tell the stories of others surely have these good listening skills. We have stories of St. Francis based on what his Brothers around him observed. Thomas of Celano was a friar tasked with writing the life of St. Francis after his death. I imagine him sitting attentively to listen, just as Mary did. He must have been listening well, not just waiting for his moment to jump in and offer his own view. Those who can tell the stories of the Pioneer Felician Sisters, must also have been women who paid attention to the words of those women as they attended to the needs of those around them 150 years ago. Those who wrote biographies of Blessed Angela Truskowska, similarly shared from their own effective listening.

May we also be good listeners for others, offering that gift of time and empathy. May we be able to share stories that others might also gain the insights we have gathered.  

Blessed Angela: “Be humble in heart, pure, gentle, modest, compassionate, prudent in speech.”